It's all about sacrifices
by nursepower
Summary: Cordelia sacrifices herself when Angel is drugged and becomes Angelus for a few hours.


Angel awoke refreshed, but confused. He had awaked to find himself near naked. If not for his boxers, he'd be nude. He couldn't recall the last couple of hours. He didn't know how he got to bed or when he went to sleep. The last thing he remembered was seeing Lindsey from Wolfram & Hart, coming to ask for help with a case that he just didn't want to be a part of.

Angel Investigations had agreed to look into it. The group had left Lindsey at the hotel to do the job and when they came back he was gone. No skin of their backs. Angel had grabbed a drink and downed it, when Wesley had told him not to drink the blood…too late. Lindsey had left a note for Angelus to meet him at the firm when he was ready to deal.

Fred did tests on the rest of the blood and found it'd been spiked with a "happy" pill. Oh God! That means that Angelus was coming.

Angel sighed turning to the side and suddenly noticed a lump of white sheet, which obviously contained a body. He saw dark brown hair attached, flowing over the pillow and could only assume.

"Cordy?" he asked confused.

"Angel?" she questioned quietly back keeping her back to him.

"Yeah, it's me. What's going on? Are you okay?" he asked, gently gripping her shoulder from behind and pulling her gently hoping to get her to face him.

"Don't," she said forcefully, resisting his attempt to turn her. "I don't want you to see".

"See what?" he was beyond confused.

"I don't want you to see what he did."

"Who Cordy?"

"Angelus".

Angel gasped and filled with dread at hearing the name he longed to forget. What had he done?

Cordy was trying not to remember last night. She knew what she was getting into.

FLASHBACK

The group had come home from a job and Angel had immediately gone to the fridge to get a drink. He sat and let Cordy tend to his wounds, which was a small cut on the palm of his hand from blocking a blade and missing. At about the same time, Wesley had come running in telling Angel not to drink, but it was too late. Fred had tested it and found a drug in it.

By the time the group realized the extent of what had happened it was too late. Angel had turned. Cordelia had made everyone leave and promise not to come back until she called them. Out of all of them she was the least likely that Angelus would kill.

Angelus then proceeded to throw around some insults to her and then said he was going on a shopping spree for human blood. She had blocked the door with her body, which resulted in him throwing her around like a rag doll for a bit. It felt like hours but had really only been half of one.

She knew she had to stall him. If she could keep him away from humans long enough for the drug to wear off, then he wouldn't be able to kill anyone.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Cordy I'm so sorry", he started.

"It's not your fault Angel. You were drugged."

"But he hurt you".

"I'll heal", she said, trying to move her position when they both heard the chain cling against the bed rail. Angelus didn't want Cordy leaving last night so he had handcuffed her ankle to the footboard.

"Jesus. What did he do?" Angel asked, sitting up and following the sheet until he saw Cordy's bare leg and then continued to see the handcuff attached to the footboard and it was obvious that Cordelia had struggled a bit as her ankle had a circular purple bruise around it.

Cordelia ignored his comment. "The key is in your jeans pocket", she told him. Angel got up from his side of the bed and found his jeans strewn across the room. He reached in the pocket and sure enough the key was there.

As Angel uncuffed Cordelia's leg, he tried not to look at her. When her ankle was free she brought her legs up to her chest in the fetal position, making sure she was completely covered.

"Did he…um…did…." Angel stuttered.

"I beg you not to finish that sentence", Cordy said, wistfully.

FLASHBACK

After Angelus had thrown Cordy around awhile and she was bleeding in various areas, he was about to leave again. Cordy managed to stand. "Wait, I can offer you something better than human blood".

"Hahahaha….." he laughed without turning around. "What could possibly be better than a fresh kill?"

"Why don't you look and see?"

Yes, it was a last ditch effort, but anything was better than letting Angelus go on a killing spree.

He took the bait and turned to see Cordy slowly unbuttoning her shirt.

"Oh shit. Why didn't I think of doing that when I was throwing you around?"

He walked closer towards her as if stalking her like prey. She had finished the last button by the time he reached her and let the shirt hang open exposing her bra covered chest and bruised stomach.

"Damn Cordy. Has Angel ever seen you like this?"

"No", Cordelia replied, looking down.

"You mean I can have something he hasn't ever had, just for staying here with you?"

"That's right" Cordelia was already regretting this.

"You know I could just take you right now, and there's not a damn thing you could do about it".

"I know that, but you won't".

"What makes you so sure?" he was enjoying this little game.

"Because it wouldn't be as good if I'm fighting."

"So you're not going to fight me? At all?"

She looked up into his face and pretended she was about to do all this with Angel.

"You have my word. Stay with me tonight…the whole night…. and I won't fight at all. Matter of fact, I'll participate".

Angelus ran his hands down her arms testing the water. She didn't even flinch. His hand went to her stomach and although it tensed a bit she didn't move. She was really serious.

He looked up into her eyes hoping to see fright or anything that would show she was scared or might back out, but she didn't. "I accept your offer", he finally said. Angelus couldn't remember the last time he had sex with someone willing. Most all were by force and it was good, but damn this bitch was going to make him feel good too? And he'd get to shove it in Angels face? This couldn't be better!

He leaned into her lips, waiting to really see if she'd hold up her end and she did. Her lips captured his with a ferocity he thought he'd never see.

END OF FLASHBACK

"I need to know Cordy".

"Why Angel? How would it help? You need to know the details so you can feel guilty about something you can't control? I'm not gonna help you have a pity party", she all but yelled.

"I just think it would help if we talked about it. So I know what happened. So I know how to be here for you.".

"It's really hard to talk about Angel…especially with you."

"Why with me? You know you can tell me anything".

"It's embarrassing and it would tell you things that I'm not ready for you to know yet."

"Try me Cordy. You don't even have to look my way. Just talk and I'll listen. I promise I won't interrupt."

FLASHBACK

Cordy kept it in the back of her mind that this was Angel. It was special, she was showing him her true feelings and he was actually reciprocating. She kissed him with all the pent up feelings since she'd met him. It wasn't long before her tongue begged access to his mouth and he obliged. His hands roamed over her stomach and back, pushing her shirt off her shoulders.

He picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and they crashed into the wall in their sexual frenzy. Cordy heard many things breaking from them knocking stuff over. She didn't care. She was finally with Angel.

While he had her pressed against the wall, her hands undid the buttons to his shirt. Rubbing her hands up his solid chest she pushed it off his broad shoulders. He used his body to keep her up, while pulling his shirt down his arms. Her mouth left his for a moment, before ascending his jaw line, placing kiss after kiss until she neared his neck.

He was licking and kissing spots on her shoulder, using a hand to slide her bra strap out of the way. She finally set on her feet again and managed to mumble the word "bedroom".

They made a lot of noise crashing into things on the way to the basement, where Angel slept. When they were in his room they broke apart to catch their breath. Cordy's hands ventured south and helped remove his jeans. She then seductively did the same and pushed hers down her hips. She laid herself onto his bed and watched him come closer, laying over top of her.

'Angel, Angel, its Angel', she kept repeating to herself, getting back into the action. Hands and mouth roamed for hours. God it felt so good. When he finally slid into her she couldn't suppress the moan of his name, "Angel".

Suddenly the movement stopped. "Angel?" Angelus said, anger seeping into his voice.

"Is that how your getting through this? You're pretending I'm that goody two-shoe noble bastard with a conscience? Is that what you were doing?" he yelled placing a hand around her neck, warning her not to lie.

"Yes", she breathed out, feeling the pressure on her throat increase. Her hands wrapped around his wrist trying to break the hold around her neck. "Can't breath", she whispered out.

"Let me guess. You think he'd be gentle? Say loving things? Am I right?" He eased his grip on her neck so she could answer.

"Yes", she said, tears leaking down her cheeks. She'd made a mistake by saying his name. It was good, up until then and now here she was with an angry Angelus, naked, in bed and he had just entered her.

"You bitch. I was really looking forward to this but you've left me no choice. I can't have you thinking about him while I'm fucking you."

"Noooo. Change it back. Please change it back", Cordelia cried after Angelus changed to his vampire face.

"Get ready for the ride of your life baby", he ignored her pleas and then began slamming into her. Her fear had made her dry and his sudden and harsh movement hurt. How did it go from so wonderful to utter disaster in a matter of a few words?

He took his time, being as rough as he could. She cried out numerous times as he sank his teeth into her flesh for a little taste. He never took much; just placed the puncture wounds and licked what came out. She had tried to push him away but he was far too strong. He kept her hands pinned above her head with his.

"Please stop", she begged. "You're hurting me".

"Do I look like I care?" he yelled.

His bites along with his thrusts were agony on her already sore body. He flipped her over, never breaking rhythm, and took her from behind. She clawed at the sheets as he pulled her hips back again and again, slamming himself as far as he could go. She cried harder. This was beyond degrading.

She tried to hinder his movements by lying flat, but he just bit her on her back until she got back on her knees. It only took three bites before she couldn't take that anymore and got back up. She felt the blood leak down her back and then got chills feeling Angelus lick it up.

"God you taste good", he said, sweat dripping onto her. He flipped her one more time so she was on her back again. He pulled one of her legs up so he could enter even further. She felt as though her insides were going to come out her mouth. She had closed her eyes, trying to breath through the pain and go somewhere else and even though she'd seen Angel's vamp face, she hadn't ever wanted to see it while making love to him. Yet, here she was with his alter ego, being pummeled like a jackhammer and having it out there in full view.

"Oh Cordelia, I'm getting so close. I'm going to fill you up. And just to be sure you know who it was you're going to open your eyes and look into mine."

"No, please", she begged.

"Open them", he ordered, grasping her throat again.

She had to or else she would die from lack of oxygen. She opened her eyes and cried openly, realizing this image would be stuck in her head forever. "Please change back", she begged.

"So you can imagine I'm him? I don't think so".

He had been going for so hard and so long, she was numb. Her insides had been rubbed raw.

He continued to taunt her.

"Yes…that's my little slut….fuck me good", he told her. He thrust into her one last time when she felt him explode inside her. He kept his vamp face on while starring into her eyes, smiling evilly as he unloaded into her abused body. When his pulsing had stopped he collapsed onto her abused body burying his nose into her sweat soaked neck and hair. She heard him inhale loudly.

"Smell that? That's the smell of a bitch that just got fucked stupid", he laughed. "I bet you won't be able to walk straight for a week", he taunted. She used one hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. The other lay limp beside her. She wanted him off her so bad but knew it was useless to try to push him off.

"Now baby, I know you want more, but I need to rest a bit and then we'll go again", he teased knowing she wouldn't be able to take it again. She watched him go to Angels weapon closet and pull out a pair of handcuffs. He then proceeded to chain her to the bed by her ankle.

"Don't go anywhere love. I'll be back in a minute", he assured and headed to the bathroom.

Cordy grabbed the sheet and wrapped herself protectively in it. She pulled at the chain trying to get it to give but just like Angelus it was far too strong. When he returned from the bathroom, he'd had on a pair of boxers. She asked quietly for some clothes or a shirt, anything to cover up a bit, but he'd refused. He said after he took a short rest he was gonna rape her to death. .

He'd turned the lamp off plunging them into darkness and pretty soon Cordelia heard his light snores signaling he was asleep. She remained stone still afraid to wake him, afraid of inciting round 2.

She knew this was her fault. What was she thinking offering sex to Angelus? She should have known it would turn out bad. She knew exactly why she did it though. She had sacrificed herself to save countless others. She'd heal. Tomorrow Angel would return and they'd deal with it and move on.

She silently cried herself to sleep, hoping tomorrow brought Angel back.

END FLASHBACK

"I tried to pretend it was you and that made it a lot easier, until I accidentally moaned your name and then he turned. I don't think I'll ever get the image out of my head. That's actually the worst part. My body will heal, but the images and memories will be harder to get past."

Angel was at a loss for words after hearing in grave detail everything that Cordelia had been through in the last 12 hours.

All he could think of was all the love he had for her at that moment. Everything she had sacrificed to save people she'd probably never meet. Angelus, hurt, raped, beaten, had tormented her for hours and she had endured it just so he wouldn't go kill people. How could he not love her?

"Please say something. I know it was a stupid thing to do, but I didn't want you to return and realize that Angelus had gone on a killing spree. You would have felt guilty and brooded for days", she chuckled, through her tears.

"And you don't think I'd feel guilty hearing this?" he asked as gently as he could.

"Anything is better than knowing he'd killed a bunch of people".

"Not when it involves you Cordy".

"Don't ever say that Angel. I'm alive. I will heal. I don't know why but I know Angelus would never kill me. I had to keep him from killing others and if this was the only way then so be it. Your logical side knows what I'm saying is true. It's your human emotions at other people's pain that's making you say those things. You know its always better to sacrifice one for the good of countless others."

"Thank you", he said sincerely and she finally looked at him. He tried not to show emotion as he saw her face, sporting various bruises and the split lip that had recently scabbed over. Yet he couldn't help but think she still looked beautiful.

**AN: Continue or no?**


End file.
